Why?

I want to start off by stating, I ask myself “why?” a lot. Why do I believe in what I do? Why do I worry about what people think of me more often than not? Why is it that I serve for a student ministry but still have so many questions and doubts about my own faith? To be honest, until 2 weeks ago I didn’t realize that I have had so many doubts that I have never really acknowledged before. I justified my participation because I have always believed in God. Duh. And because I genuinely enjoy being around the people who are involved with the ministry I serve in. That was the reason why I’ve been doing what I have been for this last year.

Two weeks ago at BASIC we read and talked about John 20:27-29:

Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.”
Thomas said to him, “My Lord and my God!”
Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.

I think I am a lot like Thomas when it comes to doubting. I hear all the time about how people have this relationship with Jesus and how much they believe he is real. And after some reading and talking about Jesus with others, I always sort have thought that he is real. Everyone else did. There was a part of me though, that really just wanted to reach out and touch Jesus to know that he actually is real.

I learned that there comes a point when you just have to make a decision if you believe or not. You don’t always need a clear explanation at the end of the day, but to understand and accept that you are making a decision to believe. That’s when you accept Jesus.

I’ve been asked “do you believe that you are saved?” or “do you believe in Jesus?” As someone who considers herself a Christian, my response has always been, “Well, yeah” because I have always believed in God, but always ended up leaving with an uncomfortable feeling in my chest which has left me feeling a little empty. I know now that you don’t always have to have a clear explanation for everything. As Brad Hillebrand shared in his teaching, you don’t always have to go to bed knowing, BUT you should have a reason for the hope you have.

I have a reason now.

That night after BASIC, I fully accepted Jesus in my heart. I had my own moment, or maybe even a “we” moment. I know that Jesus died on the cross for us. I know that he died so that I can live today. I sit here typing, a little bit on the emotional side, knowing that I am fully loved by a God who cares about me, and who has a plan for my life. (That’s especially cool because I have no idea and change my mind every few minutes.)

I can tell you that today I have felt a weight lifted off my shoulders that I never noticed I was carrying before. I believe. I feel really good about it too. Holy buckets of water. Wow. This is the best and I thought you guys should know. :)

P.S. This song came on as I was driving home and thinking about this.

Tenth Avenue North; By Your Side

“Look at these hands and my side,
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world’s sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life”

And I’ll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don’t fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Bianca Zerwas
UNI Junior

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Click HERE if you'd like to hear Brad's message or any of our other teachings from BASIC!
Click HERE if you'd like to watch the spoken word video Dave used in his teaching last week.

UPCOMING STUFF:
Multicultural Worship Night is this Thursday in Lang Hall at 8p!
FREE SUPPER tomorrow before BASIC at Nazareth Lutheran Church at 6:30p!
Summer Camp Staff opportunity
The Waiter! A dessert theater experience at Lampost Theatre Co. this spring

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