You are enough.
The first time I heard those words it felt like water was flowing over and through and all around my parched soul. I could finally fully inhale and feel like I had a place in this world just for existing.
You, yes, actually and truly, are enough.
Ever since I was little, I believed that I would change the world. I knew that I was different than other people in this way and that made me want to be the best version of myself that I could be, so I could accomplish those dreams.
High school happened, and I unconsciously shut down that part of me to limit attracting any unwarranted attention to myself if I could help it. I always felt different than everyone else, so making myself smaller was a simple solution to that. I had never felt so low in my life upon coming to high school, and I felt like I was being stripped of my identity every time I stepped into school. I slowly became whittled down into an inconsequential piece of wood on the floor of the bullies’ wood shop.
While this was happening, a depression that I could not even fathom began to cover me like a slow-moving cloud comes across a clear sky. My repressed desires to be different were slowly yet surely suffocating me. I could not live up to the dreams I had no matter how hard I tried. It was like I was sharing my body with someone else who was relentless in destroying my own dreams (no matter how unrealistic they were).
To be honest, this depression has only recently started to lift. For far too long I have been pushed into the cold, hard ground for the sake of meeting these expectations to be my perfect self. Only in the past 9 months have I really begun to recognize that Jesus is the one who knows me, who says, “I made you in my version of perfection from the start. Oh my beautiful daughter, you, yes, actually and truly, are enough.”
It is so profoundly powerful when you realize that Jesus is crazily and wildly okay with you – no, fascinated with you - no matter what you do. Even if you are at your lowest, or in your doubts, in your anger, or in your betrayal. It comes down to letting Jesus love you and refusing to let your shame push you into the darkest of places. But don’t worry – if you’re in that place right now, in this moment He is bringing you back home.
Every day is a fight against my shame and my expectations of perfection, but all I know is that there is never going to be a time when Jesus doesn’t show up to fight that battle for me. There’s nothing that His grace won’t do.
So hear me, even if it is for the first time in this post - you, yes, actually and truly, ARE enough.
Ice cream fanatic, Future doctor, Book nerd
"The picture is from this past week at Clear Lake, IA over the 4th of July! Watching the sunset on the lake is one of the places where I hear Jesus tell me that I am enough and where I see His beauty and power so clearly." - Mollie Sherman
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